Trauma and Narcissism

Each time a relationship hurt like hell, but there was no obvious abuse or mental health issue going on, I was dealing with a narcissist.

These were distressing and confusing times, but from there I learned very valuable lessons :

• No matter what, if it hurts it’s not love
• Narcissists are unable to feel warmth, empathy or love, even if they (sometimes loudly) claim the contrary. What they feel is a bottomless pit of needs.
• Relationships with narcissists revolve entirely around them and their needs, to the exclusion of ours
• It’s not possible to satisfy a narcissist or improve a relationship with one, whatever the level of energy and love we put in
• However if we turn around and work on ourselves it is possible to understand how our past trauma sets us up to be involved with these unpleasant people, and why we cannot see them as they are.
• So that once healed we are able to effortlessly avoid them altogether