Spotting narcissism red flags is what we do in hindsight.
We look back on a relationship once we know it’s over, and we say : “Oh, here and here were the red flags; I actually could have seen this person was not good for me early on”.
This logic does two things for us:
- it gives us a sense of control, as in: “Next time I’m going to get it right and see the problem before it’s too late”
- and it also allows us to wallow in shame, as in: “How could I not see it? I’m so stupid”, which can be a familiar and oddly comfortable pattern for some of us – Well it definitively was for me.
Both points are a defense against anxiety, but are ultimately not useful. They are not self loving either, or even accurate.Continue reading “Spotting Narcissism Red Flags”